In a couple of days, I will have been on this planet for 50 years. Coming up to the date I’ve been feeling a whole host of things…… somewhat despondent that perhaps the best years are behind me, a feeling of restlessness that perhaps I haven’t done everything that I thought I would by this point, a sense of gratitude for everything that I have and that feeling of warmth that comes from being loved.
Despondent….Needing a little more than kajal and lippy to brighten up the face,
Taking more care with what you wear, worrying at what might show some of the unflattering bumps and folds
Needing some help to cover them grays,
Needing time to recover, long gone are the days when you could spring up after a night of partying!
Restlessness…. There were so many plans, so many hopes and dreams
Innocent dreams of a young mind, ambitious plans of that determined student
Not everything materialised and not everyone helped. Did time run out or is the inner drive now less fervent? I wonder, but in those quiet moments, the mind is restless and there is that voice in the head that whispers encouragement!
Gratitude…. A supportive partner, children who challenge and amaze
Friends to laugh, cry and rant with, friends who don’t need to be told how special they are to know they are and friends who don’t care if you haven’t spoken to them in ages. Gratitude for the little things in life that make it special. Gratitude for the strength that made it possible to face the big things that happened.
Warmth…. from a feeling of security, knowing that its going to be okay. From a feeling of
love from those close and those far away. From knowing that I’ve done my bit to make those around me strong. From knowing they can fly. Warmth of knowing you’re wanted and not just needed in people’s lives, warmth of feeling you’ve made a difference.
There’s always the Yin and the Yan…..the calm and the turmoil…..the highs and the lows.
If someone tells you they’ve never had a regret or despaired- then they’ve never felt deeply, loved intensely or wanted something badly- they’ve not lived fully!
Looking forward to what the next chapter brings….embracing the big 5.0