Finding meaning….. living life

It doesn’t seem like much, just a number. Each year, getting that extra candle on your cake.
And then it adds up, the number changes, from a 3-0 to 4-0. And as you get closer to the “4” changing to a “5”, you pause.
The mind begins it’s catalogue- what has the past decade been about? What have you done?
The audit begins in earnest. And the bucket list comes out!

This last year of my 40’s has been a reflective one. Indeed the last few years have been quite a revelation for me.
One of my abiding fears is somehow wasting the opportunities, resources and time that I have been blessed with and frittering away myself into a meaningless, mindless existence.

When I hear about the struggles people have and the lengths they go to, for an education, for that one chance to make a difference – I feel ashamed at the time that I have spent fretting about irrelevant issues, petty angsts and holding on to the “what may have beens”- rather than focusing on “the what I cans”.

In 2014, in a moment of clarity, I understood that much of what I fretted about was pointless- I was the only one who was getting worked up.

We alone can change how we feel, no one else can.

We alone can take decisions, make choices, no one else can.

Worrying about who does what, what people think and what might happen, what could go wrong- is all pretty pointless. And in fact gives us nothing but wrinkles and dark circles!

Not that it was easy- knowing this did not make it easy to accept or let go.
But its a start!

So, this is it!
Going to focus on doing something- positive
Going to make each day count.
Going to not let a messy house worry me.
Going to do my best.
Going to stop worrying about what others are up to.
Going to work even harder.
Going to live my life on my terms.
Going to make time for my loved ones.
Going to stop trying to impress others.
Going to stop sweating the small stuff.
Going to smile (even) more.
Going to laugh (even) louder.
Going to reach for the skies.
Going to let go.
Going to live for myself.
Going to love people, as they are.
Going to love, myself- as I am!


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